When he got that enraged look
I was being abused and didn’t even realize it. It started so subtly at first that I didn’t even recognize the signs. Thinking back to the first time I sensed something was wrong was when we were newlyweds. We had a spat over something. I don’t even remember it being an argument, actually. We were talking about something, and I think he felt that I was mocking him. That was the first time I witnessed his temper, which seemed to turn on at the drop of a hat. He was sitting in the driver’s seat, I on the passenger side, and without warning, he literally put his open hand to my face and mushed me so hard in the face that I was pushed against the car door. I remember thinking to myself, “I’m not afraid of this jerk!”. But I didn’t say anything. I just stood quiet. And that’s when he officially took control of the relationship.
Over the years, the episodes got worse. But I would usually get some warning before they started. He would get this enraged look in his eyes. And he would call me over in a very gentle way, but I knew something was brewing. One such episode was particularly scary. I didn’t know what he was mad about and I didn’t want my baby girl, who was a toddler at the time, to get caught in the crossfire. So, I coaxed her out of the room and told her to go play with her grandparents. Once she was out of harms’ way, I closed the door and became the brunt of his rage. I have no idea what he was mad about. But he was screaming and yelling at me. At one point, he punched the wall several times, seemingly to avoid punching me. I was lucky.
He actually never punched me during his episodes. But one time he shook me so hard, I thought my brain was literally bouncing against my skull. He was angry because he didn’t know where I was, so he shook me, and shook me, asking me to confess about my infidelity. Meanwhile, he was the one that was unfaithful and would spend many nights away from home, leaving me crying and worrying about him. He would come home without explanation and I would just accept him, happy that he was safe.
There was the final time he did slap me across the face with great force. It was unprovoked [not that there is any justification for doing that anyway]. I was sitting on the bed looking up at him and we were having a regular conversation. He suddenly just whipped his hand around and slapped me, just because he wanted to know what it felt like. I remember him telling me that.
— Anonymous
